Chapter 1
A dreadful tale begins.
There is a boy named Shorty who loves going to the zoo. It has always been his favorite thing to do. Anytime Shorty does anything, he thinks of a way to involve the zoo.
For example, one time a friend asked Shorty if he wanted to go ride bikes. “Sure!” he answered. Then, he looked up into the sky and scratched his chin. “Can we ride our bikes to the zoo?”
Another time a different friend wanted to go play soccer at the park. “Great idea,” he replied, “but I have an even better idea! Let’s take your soccer ball to the zoo and throw it in the monkey cage.”
His friend was confused. “Why would we do that?”
“Well, you see,” Shorty explained, “I am guessing that monkeys will be awesome at soccer. Let’s give them a ball and watch them play!”
Usually, Shorty’s friends nip his silly ideas in the bud.
For example, the friend who wanted to ride bikes said, “Are you kidding? To get to the zoo we would have to ride our bikes on an interstate highway!”
The other friend said, “No way! Who cares if monkeys are any good at soccer? We’re not giving them my ball. I’d never get it back!”
Chapter 2
Something Smuggled
One day about 5 years ago, something unusual happened.
It started out like normal. One of Shorty’s friends invited him to go do something, and he quickly thought of a way to involve the zoo. This time, unfortunately, his friend did not convince Shorty to leave the zoo out of it.
Here is how it happened:
His friend’s name was Carmen. “Hey Shorty,” she asked, “do you want to go eat hamburgers?”
“Ok,” he grinned. “I want extra ketchup on mine!”
Then came the idea.
He got a serious look on his face. “Carmen, can I share my hamburger with someone who is always hungry?”
“I don’t see why not,” she said. ”Sharing is a wonderful thing to do.”
Later that afternoon, no one noticed as a little boy entered the zoo with a hamburger hidden underneath his shirt.
Chapter 3
Ready, Steady, Hamburger!
Shorty went straight to the lion’s cage.
He walked under a large sign that read “LION’S LAIR!” in big bold letters.
Carmen was right beside him. She was having fun. “Hey Shorty,” she said, “I’m really glad you suggested we come to the zoo.”
Shorty was silent. He had heard Carmen speaking, but he didn’t hear what she said. He was distracted.
Carmen noticed that Shorty was not paying attention. She watched him as he stared intently at the lion. She turned to look at the lion, too. Was the lion staring back at Shorty?
With house cats, sometimes it is hard to tell if their eyes are open or closed. This is true of lions, too.
Slowly, Shorty reached into his shirt. He pulled out his hamburger and held it over his head with both hands. “Oh, Lion!” he yelled, “Come and get it!”
He leaned back to throw his hamburger. His back was bent like a bow. He looked like a soccer player who is about to throw the ball back onto the field.
The lion sprang to its feet and raced toward the fence as fast it good move!
There was no doubt what the lion was looking at now. Its eyes were wide open.
Chapter 4
"I already knew that."
Carmen saw that something dreadful was about to happen. Standing right behind him, she reached out and put her hand on the hamburger to stop Shorty from making a mistake.
Shorty looked back over his shoulder. “Carmen? What are you doing?”
“Me?” she huffed, “What are you doing?”
“I’m sharing my hamburger with the lion.”
“Shorty, didn’t you see the sign?”
“Yup, I saw it.”
“Did you read it?” She asked her question in an exasperated tone of voice. She knew he hadn’t read what it said.
“Of course. It says that this is the lion’s lair.” Shorty rolled his eyes.
“But I already knew that,” he continued. “It is sort of silly to put up a sign that tells people what they already know.”
Carmen sighed. Using the same tone of voice she had used before, she asked, “Did you read what the sign tells you not to do?”
Chapter 5
"No wonder!"
At this point, the hamburger was in trouble.
Shorty had been gripping it quite tightly before his big throw. To stop him from throwing it, Carmen had gotten a tight grip on it, too. That meant that the burger was squished between 15 fingers. It was still above Shorty’s head. Bits and pieces were crumbling down the back of his shirt.
Shorty looked back at the sign.
Underneath the words “LION’S LAIR,” it read, “Do NOT feed the animals!” For emphasis, the letters N, O, and T were bright red and capitalized.
Shorty gasped. He couldn’t believe it. “No wonder the lion is always hungry. They don’t ever feed him!”
Chapter 6
"But that was the whole idea!"
Carmen cleaned the ketchup out of Shorty’s hair.
Meanwhile, Shorty ate what was left of the hamburger. Large portions of it were still stuck between his fingers, so he had plenty to eat. It tasted good enough, but it could have used a little more ketchup.
Shorty was disappointed. “So, I can’t give the lion anything to eat.”
“No,” said Carmen, “only zookeepers get do that.” She shook the shoulders of his shirt and a few crumbs fell out the bottom.
“But that was the whole idea behind getting hamburgers!” He was licking his fingers clean. “The poor lion won’t get anything.”
”Well, it’s the thought that counts,” consoled Carmen.
Shorty heard her speaking, but he didn’t hear what she was saying. He was staring intently at the sign. ”I saw the big bold letters at the top,” he mumbled. ”I just didn’t bother to read the rest of it.”
That was when someone said, “Sometimes you have to read the whole thing.” (Was it Shorty or Carmen who said this? I don’t know. I heard what was said, I just didn’t hear who was speaking. For all I know, it could have been the lion!)
Suddenly Shorty spun around and looked straight at Carmen. “Well, I have read the whole thing now,” he cried holding a finger in the air.
He had a big smile on his face. This smile always meant he had an idea, and Shorty’s ideas always involve a zoo animal.
Chapter 7
Another Idea
or the Same Idea?
“I’ve read every single word on that sign,” Shorty proclaimed, “and do you know what I don’t see?”
“What can’t you see, Shorty?” shouted Carmen. She did not want Shorty to get in trouble. “It’s plain as day what it says. We can’t feed the lions!”
“Carmen,” whispered Shorty calmly, “there is nothing I can’t see; but there is something I don’t see.“ His
voice grew louder, “And you don’t see it either. No one can see it.“ He was shouting now, “Because it isn’t there!”
Carmen was confused.
“What do mean?”
“What I don’t see,” he explained, “is anything on that sign that says I can’t give the lion something to drink.”
Carmen turned away from Shorty. She gave her full attention to the sign. She didn’t read any of the words out loud, but she read every single word slowly and carefully.
“You’re right,“ she whispered. “It only talks about not giving the animals food.“ Then her voice started getting louder. “There isn’t anything that prohibits refreshing drinks!”
Chapter 8
So we can.
Shorty rushed over to a water fountain. He used the stream of water to wash the hamburger grease off his fingers. Then, he ran over to a vending machine. He pulled six quarters out of his pocket and bought a 12 ounce (355 milliliter) can of soda pop.
He raced back to the lion’s cage. “Oh, Lion!” he yelled, “Come and get it!”
This time, Carmen did not reach out her hand to stop him. Instead, she pumped her fists in the air and jumped up and down.
“This is awesome!” she thought to herself.
“I’m so glad Shorty suggested that we come to the zoo.”
Chapter 9
Lion Gets the Idea
The can of soda flew high in the air spinning end over end.
The lion saw it right away, but he waited for it to hit the ground. Then he walked over and circled it a few times. He took the pose of the Sphinx.
He stretched out his legs: one on one side of the can and one on the other side. Then he cocked his head to one side to get a closer look.
“Do you think he needs a straw?” asked Shorty.
Carmen couldn’t take her eyes off the lion. She just shook her head and mumbled, “No, I doubt it.”
The lion growled and bared his long, fierce teeth. The children shuddered. His teeth were terrifying. It looked and sounded to them like something dreadful was about to happen, and they were right.
Chapter 10
Everyone is happy.
The lion sank one particularly long and fierce fang right into the tab at the top of the soda can. It burst open and soda pop spewed out everywhere.
The can had spun end over end as it flew through the air. It had hit the ground hard. All this shaking and tumbling made the soda explode when the can was opened. It was like a volcano.
Soda pop went all over the lion’s big, fluffy mane. He loved it!
He spent the rest of the afternoon licking the sugary syrup out of his hair. It tasted so good.
The lion was very happy. So were Shorty and Carmen. Everyone was having a good time, and no one had broken any rules.
THE END
almost…
Chapter 11
The Moment It Started
If you read the title at the top of this page, you probably still have some questions.
For starters, this was supposed to be a dreadful tale...
…but what is so dreadful about a story in which no one breaks any rules an everyone ends up happy?
Moreover, there was only one lion in this story, and it had long fierce fangs. Wasn’t this supposed to be a story about a lion without any teeth?
Well, the dreadful thing is that this was the moment when the lion began losing his teeth.
He really loved drinking soda pop. From the first taste, he was hooked. He wanted a second can before he had finished licking up the first. For five years now, that lion has drunk one can of soda pop every day.
You probably know that soda pop is bad for your teeth.
It is even worse for lions, because they never brush their teeth. Over the years, all the lion’s teeth fell out of his head one by one. Eventually he had to start using his claws to open the cans.
THE END
for real
…but there is still a little bit more
Chapter 12
The end of a good idea is hard to find.
You might be wondering how the lion got his paws on an unopened can of soda every day. It is easy to see how it could happen with Shorty involved. That little boy loved giving the drinks to the lion as much as the lion loved drinking them.
However, Shorty didn’t come to the zoo every day. Even when he did come, he didn’t always have time to visit the lion’s lair. And even when he did visit the lion, he didn’t always have money to buy drinks.
Eventually, Shorty had to stop giving the lion drinks altogether. The zookeepers figured out their lion had a sweet tooth. So, they changed the sign.
Now it read, “Do NOT give the lion any fizzy drinks!”
Shorty didn’t immediately notice the new rule when it was added to the sign, but Carmen pointed it out to him.
Chapter 13
Roaming Octopuses
So, how did the lion manage to feed his habit without Shorty’s help?
Well, naughty children were always throwing quarters into his cage, so he had plenty of money. It was just a matter of convincing someone to be his runner. A ‘runner’ is someone who runs and gets stuff for you.
Did you know that, as soon as zoo janitors turn out the lights and go home, all the octopuses crawl out of their tanks and start roaming around?
It’s true. Of course, zookeepers try their best to lock the octopuses up, but cephalopods are clever. They always manage to find a way out.
After the lights are turned out and everyone has gone home, there is not much to do in a zoo. So, all those octopuses roaming around at night get bored.
If you are bored, watching a soda can explode like a volcano in the face of a roaring lion is a fun way to the pass the time.